10 Things I Never Experience During Pregnancy (Preemie Edition)
Oh, hello there!
I feel like I‘ve started so many of my posts over the last couple of years talking about how I haven’t written here in a while. So what happened? I had a baby! Our sweet little baby girl, Marceline, came two months early. You read that correctly. Our baby came at only 32 weeks and was just about 4 lbs at birth. She’s healthy, growing, and doing great. She has this wonderfully big personality. Sometime soon, I will follow up with a post all about her birth story and our experience with the NICU. But before that, I wanted to start with something a little lighter. We’re coming close to Marceline turning 6 months adjusted—when you have a preemie, everything is about tracking where your baby’s development is for their real age (based on birthday) and their adjusted age (based on due date). As we hit this milestone, I found myself scrolling through her old photos and reminiscing about those early days. She was just so tiny when we brought her home!
Which brings us to the topic of today’s post. Because she was a preemie, there are quite a few things I never experienced while pregnant or postpartum. Some of these things I had been looking forward to doing, like my pregnancy photo shoot, and others I’m totally okay with never experiencing at all. Here’s my list of 10 Things I Never Experienced During Pregnancy (birth or postpartum):
Here tiny little feet! These footprints were taken the day she was born.
Contractions: Marceline was born via emergency C-section at only 32 weeks (31 and 6 if we’re getting technical). I was flagged for a total placenta previa at my 16 weeks scan, then officially diagnosed with it at 20 weeks. Because of this, we were already planning for a C-section delivery at 37 weeks. I don’t know if I would have felt contractions closer to the planned C-section or not, but I certainly didn’t feel any contractions at 32 weeks. Full disclosure, although I felt nothing, the nurses could see I was technically having minor contractions already. It wasn’t anything close to contractions one might experience when carrying a baby to full term or when going into labor.
My water breaking: Because my emergency C-section was for a placenta previa, my water never broke. I never had that moment when your water breaks, you grab the hospital bag, yell out to your partner that “it’s time!” and rush out to the hospital like some scene from a Hollywood movie. I have zero idea what that sensation would feel like. Does it bother me that I never experienced that? Not really, but I am curious what it would have been like.
Packing a hospital bag: I was due for my 32-week scan on Wednesday, and we were planning on scheduling the date for delivery during the scan. In my mind, there was no reason to pack, or even order things like nursing bras and a pump before then. That appointment never happened, though. I delivered Marceline the Friday before her 32-week scan. Everything happened so early and so fast, we rushed to the ER in the middle of the night with no time to pack anything. All I had was my purse and my phone. My husband later returned home and packed a bag for me, but if I ever get pregnant again, I will buy and pack for the hospital early. You live, and you learn—am I right?
Finally holding my baby for the first time!
4. Pregnancy photos: We were going to have an official photo shoot in late October with the same photographer from our wedding. I wanted my bump big and the backdrop of fall leaves. All I wanted was some nice photos of my husband and me together, a few of just me and my bump with that autumn vibe. Nothing too fancy but fall is my favorite season, and I was really excited it worked out well to do my pregnancy shoot during my favorite time of the year. However, Marceline arrived before the photo shoot happened. As it turned out, I ended up with very few photos of me pregnant, none taken by a professional. Oh well!
5. The “horrible” last month: Throughout my pregnancy, people kept telling me, “That last month is brutal.” You’re at your biggest, it’s uncomfortable. You’re just ready for pregnancy to be over. That’s what I kept hearing. I have no idea just how big I would have gotten. But I’m fine with not experiencing the last two months of pregnancy. Would I recommend giving birth at 32 weeks? No! It’s always preferable to carry your baby to term. But for us, everything turned out okay. And if I’m looking for a silver lining in all the scary moments we had with her birth, I’d say never getting miserably big would be one.
6. Recovering at home: When I was released from the hospital, Marceline was in the NICU. I had previously imagined taking things slow and recovering at home with my baby. Instead, I spend most of my time in the NICU and traveling home for breaks, eating, laundry, sleeping, etc. We were lucky to live close to the hospital, so commuting wasn’t too bad. It did mean I was doing some things I wasn’t supposed to be doing during my C-section recovery, like driving a car. It was 8 weeks before I was given the OK to exercise, but I had been actively walking, doing stairs, and moving around doing all the things that needed to be done to be functional and be in the NICU for my baby.
7. A “babymoon”: We considered going on a little holiday. One last trip just the two of us. We really would have needed to have planned it for Labor Day weekend, but hadn’t settled on where we wanted to go. Plus, traveling in the third trimester when you have a total placenta previa isn’t the most advisable thing to do. Instead, I thought I’d we could do a little date night the last weekend of it being “just us.” Obviously, that didn’t happen either!
8. Family visiting the baby in hospital: When my sister had her second baby, my mom and I looked after my older niece (who was three at the time) for my sister and brother-in-law. I remember taking my niece to the hospital, helping her pick out a present in the gift shop, and taking her up to see her mom and meet her new baby sister. When I delivered Marceline, Covid and RSV levels were high and she went immediately to the NICU. The number of visitors we could have was very limited and only my husband and I were allowed in the NICU at first. Eventually, my parents both got an opportunity to see Marceline in the NICU but none of our family members got to hold her until we she was home from the NICU. I wish we could have had more of a celebratory moment when she was born but safety first. Keeping her healthy and growing was our top priority.
9. Nursing: To start, Marceline was so little she had to be fed via a feeding tube. I would pump, and the hospital used my milk to mix her meals and hook it up to the tube. We would hold her for contact naps during a lot of her feedings. As she got bigger, she was able to try eating with a bottle. In fact, she took to the bottle so well, she was discharged from the NICU sooner than we’d initially expected! We did try nursing a couple of times, but Marceline never really took well to it. Additionally, she was on a “fortified diet,” meaning she eats a higher-calorie diet and we had to mix formula into the breast milk. Nursing as her main source of eating just isn’t possible with a fortified diet. For our family, nursing just wasn’t meant to be.
In the NICU, little Marceline started in an incubator to help keep her warm.
10. Holding my baby post-birth: There are a lot of benefits to doing skin-to-skin contact with your baby shortly after giving birth. It was something I read when preparing for pregnancy. I listened to other moms’ experiences about holding their babies right after birth. It’s something I wish I had been able to do sooner. But it wasn’t in the cards. Because she was delivered so early and at an age when babies can have complications with breathing, Marceline was rushed straight to the NICU without either my husband or I saw her. The NICU doctor did come back to give us an update on how Marceline was before I was out of surgery—we really didn’t have to wait long to hear that she was doing well. And my husband was able to go immediately up to see her. I wasn’t able to go up to the NICU until I recovered enough to sit up and stand. I had lost a lot of blood over the last 24 hours, so it took almost 12 hours before I was given the OK to visit the NICU and almost a full 24 hours before I was allowed to hold her for the first time. We did do a lot of skin-to-skin every day she was in the NICU after that.
Pregnancy really is a mixed bag. It truly doesn’t bother me that I never experienced natural labor or contractions or went on one last hurrah of a vacation, just my husband and I. Our daughter’s entrance into this world was messy and unexpected. It wasn’t how I would have imagined or chosen for it to happen. But she’s a healthy little force of personality who I love with all my heart. And because everything with her turned out okay, I think it’s easier to look back and feel fine about what I missed out on doing and search for the silver linings in the situation.
Have you had a baby? Are there things you missed out on or wish you could have skipped? Let me know!